In the last 24 hours I have felt SO many different emotions and I'm kind of starting to get a handle on them....I think.
Rather than go through what has happened step by step. I think I'll just cover what happened with each emotion.
Happiness: The Army had a job that Sam wants open up! YAY! It literally is a miracle.
Nervousness: We have to make a split second decision as to whether we want to take it and there are so many variables. He decides to take it and now we are in a whirlwind of things to get done in the next week before he can swear in. Did we make the right choice? Or should we have waited a little longer for something that fit EXACTLY right?
Sadness: His ship date for Basic is exactly 2 weeks before my baby's due date....that means he won't be there for the birth(unless by some other miracle we can convince the Army to let him postpone basic). So if he's not there for the birth, that means I need to do SO much more planning on my own to get this kid out by myself. Sam has been a fantastic birth partner and I know he will be sad not to be there.
Worry: In Basic, the communication between him and I will be extremely limited. How long will he go before I can get word to him that his newest son has been born? Oh yeah, and how the heck am I supposed to name this kid without him there? For both Connor and Bear, we've picked out our 3 or 4 favorite names beforehand and then he pretty much relied on the Spirit to help him pick the final name once the baby was actually born. Well, that scenario isn't exactly possible if A) he's not there and B)I may not even be able to talk to him or show him pictures until snail mail arrives at his location. And I'm sure they won't let me leave the hospital until I've picked a name.
Awe: Our Heavenly Father is so amazing. He can set the most amazing chain of events up in your life and you have no idea where you are going until you get there. We have been so incredibly blessed. If we hadn't moved into this exact location at the exact time that we did. I don't think that the Army would EVER have been an option for our family. But wow! Heavenly Father absolutely knows what he's doing.
Gratitude: For supportive family and friends who are willing to step in and help me be a single mom while Sam gets through the training and first chaotic months of Army life. For Heavenly Father knowing what is best for me better than I do. And for a husband who is willing to do the hard thing because he believes in it and it will make our lives better in the long run.
Laughter: I also had a midwife appointment yesterday and this was the first time I'd seen her since I found out that this little one is a boy. Well, upon telling her and her looking at the report....there was a couple slight discrepencies in what I was told vs. what the report told her. One of which was that the report said "probably female"
Okay, breathe, just breathe.....
So they called over to the hospital to make sure that the report wasn't actually for someone else and that it was being read correctly. YES, everything was right. And it looks like a girl.
So they proceeded to ask if I had a few minutes and could go over to get a quick ultrasound done(the hospital is right across the street from my midwife's office).
HECK YEAH! I'm on my way! My midwife says as I'm walking out, "Will you call us and let us know? This is our kind of soap opera!"
Luckily, I didn't get my hopes up. I know what a "winker" looks like and I was sure I saw one.
I was right. This is DEFINITELY a little boy that we're having. But wow, wouldn't that have been crazy? To think you are having a boy and then you pop the kid out and it's a girl, which is what you were hoping for? But your husband isn't there and you don't have any girl names picked out!?
Well, I got a good laugh out of the whole thing.
So now, in the wake of all these emotions I'm feeling surprisingly calm. I know we are making good decisions and that Heavenly Father is blessing us with his guidance.
Oh and with the second ultrasound, we were able to get a profile of the little dude. So for those of you who are proficient in ultrasound reading....here he is!